you know when i die i’ll probably just be in the afterlife blogging like
"heaven has no free wi-fi? fuck this shit i’m going to hell"
how do you know hell has wifi
satan owes me several favors
sometimes i forget how old i am and i try to do things i used to do as a kid and i just
coming out of the closet? no. i’m coming out of my cage and i’ve been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because i want it all
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
remember like 2 years ago when christmas stopped feeling like christmas for some reason
This post creeps me out because it is absolutely true
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRISTMAS
I am the girl who prefers to spend her Friday night curled up with her pillow, reading a good novel, and I am also the girl who likes to go out on a Saturday night and dance until the DJ plays his last song. I am the girl who wants to wear beat up converses and an oversized sweatshirt, and I am also the girl who owns over sixty dresses and too many shoes to count. Why did it become okay to say one is better than the other? Because I am all of that.
when i say i hate school it doesn’t mean i hate education and knowledge. it means that i hate selfish and ignorant people there. it means that i hate stress and high expectations. it means that i hate being treated like a shit. it fucking means that i hate feeling like a failure all the time.